well, i? uh?
okay, so right now i should really be working on my infectious disease midterm...or at least sleeping...but instead, i am here and i have been thinking a lot about life and my journey and the journeys of those around me -- oh! how i love them so dearly.
sometimes i think if one more of my weaknesses is revealed i will just crumble into a thousand little pieces. and yet, He continues to reveal as i continue to thrive.
loving and living are two very difficult things to reconcile with one another. life is competitive, evolutionarily there are only so many resources to go around. loving means laying one's life down for another. yet without love, i believe, there is no life.
i have always thought of myself as a compassionate person, but it is only recently that i have come to experience all the places where i wholly lack it.
what would life be without our daily experiences? it is in the rubbing up against one another where life happens. i am afraid to hurt. but in my fear to interfere i am choosing to refuse the oppportunity to live.
i guess what i am trying to say is that in the past few days i have run up against myself in unsettling ways. i am uncertain, i am speechless, i am void of empathy, i have no common experience to share. its not really new, its just different somehow. my posture is changing and i'm not exactly sure how. its like i want to have answers to questions that aren't really being asked, or something.
but more than anything i am compelled to examine the glory that is written on each of our hearts. the realization of that glory has come, and the time for living is now.
sometimes i think if one more of my weaknesses is revealed i will just crumble into a thousand little pieces. and yet, He continues to reveal as i continue to thrive.
loving and living are two very difficult things to reconcile with one another. life is competitive, evolutionarily there are only so many resources to go around. loving means laying one's life down for another. yet without love, i believe, there is no life.
i have always thought of myself as a compassionate person, but it is only recently that i have come to experience all the places where i wholly lack it.
what would life be without our daily experiences? it is in the rubbing up against one another where life happens. i am afraid to hurt. but in my fear to interfere i am choosing to refuse the oppportunity to live.
i guess what i am trying to say is that in the past few days i have run up against myself in unsettling ways. i am uncertain, i am speechless, i am void of empathy, i have no common experience to share. its not really new, its just different somehow. my posture is changing and i'm not exactly sure how. its like i want to have answers to questions that aren't really being asked, or something.
but more than anything i am compelled to examine the glory that is written on each of our hearts. the realization of that glory has come, and the time for living is now.
posted by r.m. @ 1:04 AM
3 Comments:
At 6:01 AM, May 17, 2007,
Lord Milton Pepperbottom III said…
hm, very tyler durden of you. keep on keepin' on, and know that many others look at your life and smile because they see that whether you know it or not, to them, you have been loving and living this entire time.
At 12:13 AM, May 18, 2007,
r.m. said…
maybe i should start attending more recovery groups??? ha. but really, thanks jevvin. ;o)
At 8:51 AM, May 18, 2007,
Kendra said…
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal. ~Isaiah 26:3-4. Always remember, it isn't where you start, but where you finish that counts. Keep standing on the Rock, and you will have all the balance and structure you need. "You're gonna make it after all!"
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