sno sno sno

its a snow day and i thought this unexpected moment of reprieve from the typically chaotic monday schedule merited at least a slight nod to the blogging world seeing as i have sort fallen off the wagon with the whole online journaling thing as of late.

of course i do have my reasons (really) and although they probably shouldn't all be shared here i can at least say that my thoughts and musings and daily events have been recorded electronically, its just that instead of hitting the 'post' button i have been hitting the 'send' button where my journal-esque thoughts are then transported a million miles from here to another time zone and another continent (that might as well be another planet, it feel so far away). the truth is i'm in love. i have been for quite some time but its been a slow process in fully knowing what that means and where that exactly leaves me. he is in china and i am still here, in seattle, wishing there were a quicker method of transportation across the pond but thankful for this time of apartness and all the space it gives for contemplation, intention and general thankfulness.

this doesn't mean i fully know what love is or, for that matter, what being in love is. but i do know that it is right and true and pure and lovely.

i guess today has been a chance for a little more reflection than usual and i find myself wondering at so many of those unanswerables... i am good at getting stuck in hypothetical-land and i think i could drive myself crazy if i dwelt too long on questions that have no hard fast answers, but i inquire anyways. why is it that at such a relatively young age i have found my soul's one and only? is it wrong to believe he is my one and only? ...i have been in love before, but he was not my one and only, how is it that this thing, this transcendent, mysterious, spiritual change has occurred inside of me and i know, beyond a single shadow of a doubt that i was born to walk a road that traveled next to his? some have told me this is crazy talk, and i'd concur, but i still can't help myself because i believe it. beyond rational reason. i believe it.

these are kind of big words to just sort of throw out there, especially after my prolonged hiatus from the blog whirld, but i have to say i think there is something to it.

i know the only reason i can love him so deeply, so certainly, and with so much passion is because i have been fantasically loved by our Creator. our love and earnest desire for one another is simply a shadow, a ripple in the pond, reflecting the enormous, life-giving, transcendent love of our Father. in keeping with the pattern of being loved so well by the One Who will never leave or forsake, it is only expected that our love, in turn, would be earmarked for perfect passion and vision and hope.

it is strange, to be so far away and to be engaged. to be planning the particulars of a wedding that will be here before we know it and hardly getting to hear his voice more than once or twice a week. and yet, if we were to do it over, i wouldn't change a thing.