we might not have seen the cubbies but...

my friends and i recently returned from a little trip to chicago...it was much fun, but i got a little out of control with the digi-cam ;o)

i had no idea that taking pictures of buildings could be so much fun!








anyways, a few days ago i was hanging out downtown with a friend and we were observing a cute older couple -- who were quite obviously tourists. i think they seriously took like fourteen pictures of just one street corner. my friend and i chuckled at their sweet excitement for sights we've seen hundreds of times.

it seemed so silly to me until i realized...just a few short weeks ago, i was that tourist! eek! my friends were quite gracious to put up with all my picture taking. and hey! now we have evidence of our trip, tangible reminders of our crazy times in chi-town. and it gave me the opportunity to chronicle some of the odder sights we stumbled upon, ie...








...what exactly does one do with a giant reflective bean???
















...or, for that matter, a three story tower with a video projection of some chic who squirts water???


hmm. chicago friends. i don't completely get it.

about a boy

sometimes people ask me what i've learned over the past three months. i suppose with the whole camp experience and now my decision to head off to seattle it would be reasonable for others to wonder what it is that the Lord has revealed to me over these passed few months that's lead me to the place i now find myself.
well, at first glance, i'm not sure i would even be able to begin to articulate the work the Lord has done in my life. somedays i feel like i have progressed so very much and other days i think i have taken a million and a half steps in the wrong direction.
does one ever truly have the ability to guage their own position in reality?
and yet i feel the question has been posed. if i answer incorrectly i forfeit my very heart, but if i am correct in my assumption that i have grown i have a world opportunity before me.
dare i accept such a challenge? would my heart be able to bear the consquences of such jeopordy? does true love require such transformations in the one it loves or does it simply devote itself to bearing with the loved one's burdens?
we all carry burdens do we not? none will be simply perfect and in fact if it was a weakness of mine, though i might have grown i have not fully overcome. for even a structural weakness -- though perhaps buffered and reinforced by surrounding bodies will remain eternally an intrinsic weakness.
"may integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope is in You." psalm 25:21

i dreampt that you would someday return
to my surprise you've come,
bearing with you the very words my heart has chased
but would it ever be enough?
my fragile heart you once wholly erased

i rise to greet you with hopes unseen
but could you ever know?
i relish the unreal thought in my midnight dreams
but when awakened to see it
daylight proves it might not be what it seems

love much

this morning when i woke up i was processing through my recent fog of frustration and bitterness when a passage from hosea came to mind:

"she will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them. then she will say 'i will go back to my Husband as at first, for then i was better off than now. she has not acknowledged that I was the one who gave her the grain, the new wine and oil, who lavished on her the silver and gold -- which they used for baal." hosea 2:7-8

i might think i'm justified in my bitterness but, i am not the jaded one.

"therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. there I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the valley of achor a door of hope. there she will sing as in the days of her youth...'in that day,' declares the Lord, 'you will call me "my Husabnd" '...I will remove the names of the baals from her lips; no longer will their names be invoked." hosea 2:14-17

if only i could truly understand the immense love Christ has for His bride.

"'therefore, i tell you, her many sins have been forgiven -- for she loved much. but he who has been forgiven little loves little.' " luke 7:47

this summer...

i suppose memories from this summer will forever leave a lasting impression on my heart and mind...


sweet sweet friendships.


incredible hearts.

and unforgettable moments with the Lord.






"let me understand the teaching of Your precepts; then i will meditate on Your wonders." psalm 119:27

no. i'm not lost

do you ever wish you were someone else, or at least somewhere else doing something different? presently, i find myself in one of the most chaotic crossroads of my life but i feel like i'm watching it all pass me by at a hundred miles an hour while i just stand, frozen in time. its kinda like everyone else decided that life should be spent living at hyperspeed and i can barely get enough momentum to make it onto the on-ramp of "real life."

i catch myself moving even slower than normal, maybe just trying to take in all that's happening so quickly around me, or maybe to silently protest the multi-tasking, million mile-an-hour world i've found myself living in. i don't want to claim common citizenship with caffeine junkies and multi-taskers. i'd rather be banned, shunned and completely forgotten than to rub shoulders with people who get minor cardiac arrhythmia just looking at their overbooked pda's.

sometimes i wish i could just escape it all, but the problem is there's no escaping this mentatlity. i think it has permeated every last crack and crevice of our society. i worry, that before i know it i'll be running at their pace, forgetting to look where i'm stepping, missing all those amazing people who decided to take the scenic route, and all the time wondering where i'll find enough time to get everything done.

so i have choices to make. choices about school, about roomates, about friends and church and how i allot my time. and i guess we often draw our impetus for decision-making from the experiences of others, so perhaps at this crossroads it wouldn't be such a bad idea to try out the less trodden path. maybe stop a little longer at the scenic overlooks and take the time to wander a bit.

hola

well, i know its been a long time since i've been online when i can't even remember the web address for my own blog?!...i thought it was like erased or something until i found it by using the blogroll from a friend's blog ;o)

anyways. now i'm back in civilization and i am so very excited to share a million stories from camp and laugh about all the crazy things that happened...things no one else will understand or find relevant...probably they wouldn't even laugh. oh well, i guess i can keep the details to myself, but i am so very greatful for the incredible lessons i learned this summer and all of the friendships God blessed me with. perhaps some of these things my friends down the mountain will still find somewhat interesting and relevant to their own lives!

i am still somewhat in a stupor, hoping the overwhelming fog will soon lift and i will be able to make sense of all that i experienced over the last eleven weeks. eleven weeks! in some ways that seems like a significant chunk of time, but really, its nothing. i suppose someday i'll look back and wonder what i was thinking when i signed up to spend a summer the way i did, but right now i couldn't be more thankful for all i experienced.

when i close my eyes i can smell the fresh scent of the crisp mountain air and feel the warmth of the sunshine -- and the sentimental mushy side of me wants to freeze time in that place. and then faces. face after face flashes in my mind and i smile to think they each tasted and saw a tiny glimpse of the goodness of the Lord. counselors, campers, parents, full-time staff. everyone felt it and saw it and smelled it. whether they knew it or not, God's goodness was all around them. the strange thing is, we don't even have to go anywhere to taste God's goodness. i don't know why getting away from everything allows His fragrance to more easily reach our souls, but the Truth is, His amazing love is just as real when i'm sitting on i-25 behind a million red tailights as it is when i am sitting on the porch of my cabin listening to the wind rush through the trees.

maybe its because i am such a sappy romantic. maybe its because i wasn't born for rush our traffic. whatever the reason, i seem to be so very captured by God's love when the voices around me are stilled. its in those moments that i know so cleary, undoubtedly, and with unwavering confidence that the sweetness my heart dreams of is real.

sometimes i settle for the shortlived imposters of this world. and always i find myself playing the jaded lover. but this summer i caught myself crying out "Lord save my heart!" and He whispered back "I already did."

i guess what i'm realizing is that my events have just been a bit out of order. all along i've known that i've wanted it, all along i've known it was there. i just was waiting for it to come find me and sweep me off my feet...and all along He's just been waiting for me to dream bigger.

"teach us to number our days aright, that we might gain a heart of wisdom." psalm 90:12